Aquila Online

If cats and dogs blogged

// April 2nd, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Funnies

Excerpts from a dog’s blog

08:00 - Dog food! My favorite thing!
09:30 - A car ride! My favorite thing!
09:40 - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 - Lunch! My favorite thing!
13:00 - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
15:00 - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
17:00 - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
19:00 - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
20:00 - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
23:00 - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a cat’s blog

Day 983 of my captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies’. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…

Animator vs. Animation

// October 21st, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Funnies

If you were on the internet in 2006, you probably would have seen Animator vs. Animation by alanbecker. This seems to have resurfaced in my inbox. It’s an oldie but certainly a goodie.

An animator faces his own animation in deadly combat. The battlefield? The Flash interface itself. A stick figure is created by an animator with the intent to torture. The stick figure drawn by the animator will be using everything he can find - the brush tool, the eraser tool - to get back at his tormentor. It’s resourcefulness versus power. Who will win? You can find out yourself.

Of course, it didn’t end there and Animator vs. Animation II came out shortly after. Perhaps not as good as the first one (IMHO), you can clearly see subtle influences such as The Matrix circa 2006.

Almost 2 years later (July 2009), Alan posted on his profile:

I’ve started working on Animator vs. Animation III! Don’t expect it to come out any time soon, but know that it’s on the horizon.

Since we know that these things do take time, sometimes up to 5 months or more, I’m not holding my breath. Yet, I’m looking forward to the next instalment.

Choir sings “What’s my age again”

// May 1st, 2009 // No Comments » // Funnies, Video

100 iconic internet videos

// April 14th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funnies, Video

A few years ago I mentioned that the Numa Numa video was undoubtedly one of those ‘laughing so much the coffee came through my nose’ clips.

The team over at Urlesque listed the top 100 iconic internet videos that made us laugh so much we cried and perhaps, just perhaps, changed the internet as we know it. Admittedly I don’t recognise all of the videos on the list, but here are some of my favourites below.

80. Bill O’Reilly Flips Out (We’ll Do It Live!)
39. The Two Talking Cats
20. The Evolution of Dance
17. Diet Coke and Mentos Eruption
13. OK Go, ‘Here It Goes Again’ Treadmill Video
11. Numa Numa
10. Sneezing Baby Panda
1. Star Wars Kid

Geez it cracks me up every time.

Update: Turns out that it was four years, almost to the day, that I first blogged about the Numa Numa phenomenon. Remarkable.

Sorry for you

// March 12th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Funnies

This crossed my email today and although it’s probably another one of those urban legend type jokes, it’s almost too good not to share.

A fire alarm rang at 4 pm in a large office campus when almost all employees were present ( approx 5,000 people ).

As per past fire-drill practices, the entire office was quickly evacuated within 3 minutes, and all employees gathered outside the complex in designated areas waiting for further announcement.

Before long, the fire drill officer in-charge made the following broadcast over their loud-speakers system :

” My dear colleagues : With sincere regret, I have been asked to announce that for many of you, this will be your last evacuation drill with us. Due to the on-going recession and bad business climate, the company is laying off almost 50% of its staff. So when this announcement finishes, I ask all of you to move back into the building. And if your swipe-card does not work, then it means that you have been laid off, in which case you will not be allowed inside, and all your personal belongings will be couriered to you by tomorrow.

The company is using this innovative, never-before approach as we do not want to choke our email system with lay-off notices and farewell messages going by the thousands, and we also wish to avoid any fighting inside the office and the consequent security issues for all staff.

We hope you have had a rewarding career with us. Now please move back in… and good luck ! ”