Aquila Online

Afrikaans Joke Of The Day

// June 26th, 2006 // 9 Comments » // Funnies

Terribly sorry for my English visitors – this one is difficult to translate.

Gatiep en Gammat skryf ‘n Afrikaanse eksamen. Na die eksamen ontmoet hulle mekaar buite en vra hoe dit gegaan het.

“Voor die wind, voor die wind,” sê Gatiep. “Daar is net een question wat my so ‘n bietjie gegooi het. Dis daai question oor idiome wat sê wat is die idioom vir die kind wat laat in die ma se lewe gebore is.”

“Dis easy,” sê Gammat. “Dis laatlammetjie.”

“O koek,” sê Gatiep. “Ek het gesê; Uit die oude doos.”

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

// June 26th, 2006 // 15 Comments » // General, Photos

Not so long ago in a place not so far away there once was a nasty stretch of road in Bellairs Drive, Northriding. The road was filled with potholes and any unsuspecting driver would face dire consequences should he venture on this road without the necessary precautions.

Fast forward from 10 March 2006 to 18 June 2006.

This time our driver was travelling from Paul Roux back to Johanneburg via Secunda and on the stretch between Vrede and Standerton lo-and-behold there was yet again a nasty stretch of road filled with potholes. Err let me maybe rephrase that – the stretch of potholes were interspersed with small sections of tar.

So picture this, travelling at around 80 km/h behind a truck and a bakkie with trailer, dodging potholes, I mean tar, as though you’re playing Gran Turismo when suddenly you see the truck and bakkie dip suddenly in the road. You go into defensive driving mode, everything around you seems to slow down. In front of you, merely 10 meters ahead and closing fast, a pothole the size of an impact crater in the middle of the road, a second smaller one on the left, cars coming from the front, a beemer on your ass and a non-existent yellow line and jagged edged road surface. What do you do? Brace for impact and try not to hit anything, but the smaller pothole.

BAM!! The front left tyre strikes the pothole with such force and sound that all passengers wake instantly from their dreamy long-weekend sleep deprived snooze.

Car starts veering to the left – you fear the worst, you switch your hazard lights on (by now the impatient ass-creeper beemer has manoeuvred passed) and you look out for a suitable place to stop on the side of the road to do the dreaded inspection.

Luckily the damage was not as bad to the rim, but the tyre is suitably screwed. It actually turned a slight blue/green colour – what’s up with that?

A quick unpacking of the whole boot and a tyre change later, we’re on the road again, some passengers slightly rattled by the whole ordeal, others quite energized by the fact that there was so much excitement in one day.

So back to Tiger Wheel and Tyre on Saturday morning to get a replacement tyre, a wheel rotation, some alignment changes and a lovely dent in the wallet and you’re on your way again.

Somehow I feel cheated by the fact that a brand new tyre had to be replaced – again. Potholes suck.

Can You Say Meow

// June 19th, 2006 // 9 Comments » // News

According to IOL, ten cats in search of pet owners will spend the next 10 days (from 16 June) in a New York store window with their every move captured on camera for a reality TV show. The series is the creation of a pet-food company and will be broadcast on the Animal Planet channel, as well as on the website www.meowmixhouse.com.

It’s not only fun and games, the cats will compete for such honours as best mouse catcher, most profilic sleeper, loudest purr etc. The fake fish in the fishtank better beware!

Each of the feline contestants voted off, will be adopted into permanent homes.

Riveting stuff, almost as fun as watching cement dry.

Maharishi Phucknuckel’s Guide To Zen

// June 15th, 2006 // 10 Comments » // Funnies

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just F*@K off and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

3. The darkest hours come just before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s milk and newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren’t getting any.

5. Don’t aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

6. Remember, no one is listening until you fart.

7. Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares whether you’re dead or alive, try missing a couple of morgage payments.

10. Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don’t succeed, give up skydiving.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. Have you ever lent someone a 20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

15. Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreens.

16. Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgement.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no feet.

20. There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

21. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much if your lips are moving.

22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

23. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

24. When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse.

25. The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

NYPD Blue

// June 15th, 2006 // 2 Comments » // Vanity Plates